Wednesday, February 16, 2011

A Rebuttal to Coherence

            (Alright, I thought of something to write about. Hell if I know what it is, though.)

Reliable sources have informed me that today is a Wednesday, and thus time to post something new. As usual, I have nothing of worth to contribute to the world. However, if everybody who had nothing useful to contribute simply didn’t contribute anything, then the vast majority of creative fields, internet forums, and political offices would be empty, and the world would be deprived of all of its entertainment. I refuse to stand by and let nothing be said when I’m quite capable of saying nothing myself.
On the other hand, it’s harder than you might think to write without a particular topic- sooner or later, I’m going to have to fire a neuron, and it’s not going to be pretty when I do. With that in mind, as a dedicated artist who refuses to search for easy answers, I’ve searched around the space around my desk for a quick cop- out.
            My calendar, ever eager to please, informed me the some holiday called “Valentine’s Day” has recently occurred. Now, I’m inclined to consider my calendar a reliable authority, as I’ve established my dominance over my office supplies by making an example of all those that defy me. There have been a few discrepancies in the past, most notably the Great Stapler Revolt of ’09, but I have them mostly cowed into submission (Note to self: Keyboard emitted what may have been a derisive snort after typing that last sentence. Find creative way to reprimand it- perhaps locking it outside without food or shelter).
            As it turns out, “Valentine’s Day” is evidently a holiday on which people express their deep, personal affections by inhaling vast quantities of industrial- grade chocolate packaged in “heart”- shaped containers that have obviously been designed by somebody who’s never seen an actual heart (Not that I have, despite what that rhythmic ticking from beneath the floorboards might say).
            This, of course, raises the question of why the heart is associated with romantic love in so many cultures. My mind tells me that it has something to do with the ancient Egyptians’ belief that the heart was the source of thought, but I’ll be damned if I let facts get in the way of this post (Other things that don’t get in the way of WFTA: octagons, sea urchins, the Finnish government, and the reincarnation of Leon Trotsky). The way I see it, it could just as easily be any other organ- I’m an advocate of the pancreas, but the kidneys are nice too, and the gall bladder just doesn’t get enough credit. But not the brain- it gets the best piece of real estate in the body, and then thinks that it can take credit for everything as well? Not on my watch (Note to self: Could the fact that it isn’t happening while I watch mean that the eyes are in on the conspiracy? They are unable to be trusted. Contact optometrist while asleep and arrange to have them removed. Consult to see if this is legal, and then do it anyway.)

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